Appreciating the Little Things Helps Avoid Big Regret

My paintings are layered with paint and color, and very often collage, writing, and more. The recent series of small works I have designated as spontaneous expressions is no different in this way.

The focus of these expressions is simplified into a few crucil elements- paint brush and surface concerned all concerned with a single memory of light, color, and breath. Each of these moments is valuable now and in the future of the art being made. Regulary, I take a moment to appreciate the in between layers. These are layers that may never be seen again. They are the ancestors of the final painting. Their wisdom is why the painting will grow to be valuable and stable on its own. Recognizing the contributions of the in between layers is beneficial to learning to be a better painter and a better person.

Secrets are kept in the in between layers.

Regret is a terrible companion; one I consciously work to keep away. Unfortunately, it creeps back around at times. I regret how I handled one particularly beautiful moment with my daughter, Gracie. She was about 6 years old and as creative, funny, and thoughtful as any human I have ever experienced. She was also much wiser than her years. She is still all of these things.

I’ve been lucky enough to work for myself always. One reason for wanting to do this is that my kiddo could go with me and she would learn along the way. At one particulary hectic event I was working, Gracie kept asking me to sit to eat blackberries and watch the sunset. I did, but only briefly. She was so disappointed. At the moment I felt a need to manage a job instead slowing down for a few minutes. I thought that if I could just get every task complete, I could actually relax for the night. That didn’t happen for hours but Gracie ran to play with other kids in the area immediately. I’ve never forgotten the sadness in her voice as I told her I was too busy to stop for long. The disappointing look on her face stays with me. I should have stopped to breathe and be with her in for the brief sunset. I did not give value to an in between moment.

This was a pivotal life experience with my kiddo, disguised as an in between layer. While I regret the way I managed an in between layer in life, I am changed for it much the way my art is changed with the layers not everyone sees.

Moving forward, I have made an effort to pause, breathe, and appreciate more than the highs and lows in life and the studio. In this process, regret evolves to gratefulness and I love both myself and art practice a little more.